Entry: Through the Tears

Through the Tears

by Tabitha Robin

Born in a small town called Turtle Town, Tennessee to a minister and his wife; however, I was raised in Danville Georgia. My mother and father raised me in The Church of God of Prophecy and I never missed one moment of church. This little church was based strictly on appearance and working your way to heaven. Stuck in this false doctrine, I struggled through my adolescence life. My parents as strict more strict than any other parent at that time, would not let me cut my hair, wear pants, go to the movies, listen to certain types of music, I could not even go spend the night with anyone. My parents thought I would go to Hell if I did these things.

I watched all my friends do interesting things. They would tell me of Six Flags, the fair and good movies that they had seen. I never got to go to any of these places for it would doom me to hell, or so I was taught.

I had also two younger sisters that also lived in this same strictness for their young lives. Don’t get me wrong we loved our parents but it was because they where so strict. They thought us that getting to heaven were about looks and works. I knew deep in my heart that there was something more, but I did not know what.

When I turned 16 years old I decided to get married to a man of the age of 18. I knew I was not in love with him but I wanted a way to escape this prison that I was in. I was looking for something to fill that void that was deep within my heart. None the less my parents allowed me to get married and move out. I quite school and thought I knew it all. But I found out really quick that life was not what I had thought it to be.

My husband, Larry, became abusive mentally and physically. He become controlling, not allowing me to see my family. I was scared of him, afraid to tell anyone what he was doing to me for fear of my life. I was lost in a dark loveless marriage. I carried the paint of black and blue bruises upon my skin, still longing for my void to be filled. I tried to have a child thinking that this would comfort this loneliness that resided deep inside of me.

I became pregnant in 1993. My husband at that time beat me severely because I had called him at work and asked if I could spend the day with my family. He would not take me to the doctor to get checked after I begin to bleed. I was getting weaker and weaker by the day. Finally I nearly died so he took me to the doctor. I was told that my baby was dead, I was four months along. They had to do an emergency DNC.

Living through 5 years of physical abuse, I became depressed. During those years I had that one miscarriage and two beautiful children. A Beautiful angel girl named Amber in 1995, and Jeremiah a handsome warrior in 1996. This was the only things in my life that keep me living at that time.

When Jeremiah was born I dealt with my husband’s cheating, beating, mental threats. He would time after time tell me he was going to kill me and take my kids far away, or that he would kill me and the kids. I was afraid for our lives. I believed his words so I lived in fear, and would not leave him.

Jeremiah was born a sickly child; I was in the hospital with him all the time. My life seemed to be falling apart around me. I never told anyone about it, I just held it in the depths of my inner soul. When Jeremiah was about 6 months old, Larry told me he wanted a divorce. I was quick to agree. I was so happy about getting out of this mess that I had put myself in. I finally found my way out of this prison that I had built for myself.

After the divorce I went to live with my mother and father. I became wild and reckless. Forgetting my responsibility I became a rebel, being the reckless child I was never allowed to be. I ended up pregnant again and was so distraught that I did not want to tell my parents. Even though I was an adult, I did not want them to know that I had been mischievous living the life of this world.

During this time period my Larry my x husband killed and murdered his father. The courts claimed he was mentally unstable to stand trial so they put him in a mental hospital for criminals. He had always told me that he would kill me, and that he would get away with it. He told me he would play crazy and he would not go to jail. It could have been me and my children if we would have stayed around.

Two years later I was a mother of three beautiful children, Amber and Jeremiah, then Robert. I finally gave my heart back to the Lord or so I thought I did. Still living in the false doctrine of the church, believing that I had to put on a good show and work my way to heaven never leaving my problems at the Cross of Calvary.

I had been divorced only three years when I meet a man at the church. I thought I was in love for sure this time. After knowing him for 1 year, we got married. This second marriage lasted for about 5 years also and it was wonderful for the first 3 years. Then Christopher my second husband fell back into drugs. He took me with him; Doing heroin, pot, cocaine, lsd, pills and every other drug that had been created. He began to shot me with needles keeping me so drugged up. He beat me all the time, he even one time pushed me out of a moving car, nearly killing me. He hit me in the head with a metal pole and split my skull. He told the doctors that I had fell off a ladder. He did this just because I told him I was leaving him.

After two long years of living through even worse abuse than I did with my first husband, I had called my sister to come take my kids. I explained the situation to her and told her I was afraid for my life. Explaining that, Christopher would not let me clean my self up; he would wait till I was asleep and fill my veins with drugs. I wanted out. The void only became darker and darker than before in my life.

Finally after a long wait and a battle of courage and bravery I ran for it. I left him when he least expected it. I prayed for God to help me. I had gone as far as I could on my own and I called out in a sincere voice, “God Please Help me. I can not do this anymore.” God came into my life and began opening up doors for me. The Lord knows if I wrote my life story down in completion it would be a book.

I have now been clean from drugs for 20 years. My three beautiful children are together, and I have been married for 7 long beautiful years. My husband, John M Pike Jr is the Evangelist of Cross of Christ Faith Ministries. God has restored my life, and placed my feet on higher ground. Now my husband and I teach the same message that was told to us that brought us out of the arid dry place and quench our thirst.

Never stop believing that God has a reason for every incident in your life. He does, and His purpose will be manifested in time, always to your good and His glory. I know for a fact that this statement is true. I have seen many people in the same situation come to the Lord because of the Blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. God has a purpose for all things, we may not understand them now, but He will reveal them to us in time. I have lived through the tears and God has renewed to me the years that I had lost. He is a wonderful God, He is My Redeemer. I now live Romans Chapter 6 and John 3:16-17. I am a walking miracle and you can be also, if only you have faith and believe in the one that died for you.

Submitted by
Tabitha Robin