Editing Tips #2: As vs. When

Kathy Ide’s Editing Tips
© Kathy Ide, 2009

In this column, freelance author, editor, and speaker Kathy Ide shares tips on self-editing your manuscript.

AS vs. WHEN

As (when used as a conjunction, as in “As this happened, that happened”) implies that the second thing occurred while (within the same time frame as, during the time in which) the first thing was in the process of happening.

When implies that the second thing happened at the same moment in time that the first thing happened (a specific time being the essential element).

Examples:

"As the garage door came down (while it was in the process of coming down), the cat scurried under it."
vs.
"When the garage door came down (at the moment it touched the concrete), it hit the cat."

“As she bid him farewell, a tear fell down her cheek.” (During the time it took for the tear to fall, she was in the process of bidding him farewell. Both took about the same amount of time.)
vs.
“When she bid him farewell, a tear blurred her vision.” (At the moment in time when she told him good-bye, a tear appeared.)

“When the dance ended, she thought, I’ll never see him again.” (At the moment in time when the dance ended, that thought came to her mind. The two things happened at approximately the same point in time.)

The Dictionary of Problem Words and Expressions by Harry Shaw says that as is “one of the most useful and most overworked words in the language. … As a conjunction, however, as is usually weaker (less effective) than since, because, and when, each of which is more exact.”

The Wordwatcher’s Guide to Good Grammar and Word Usage (by Morton S. Freeman) says that as (when used as a conjunction) is often “fuzzy” because it is ambiguous. “It may be conveying the idea of time (which needs when) or of cause (which needs because).”

Their example: “As the time grew short, the people became fidgety” could mean either “When the time grew short, the people became fidgety” or “Because the time grew short, the people became fidgety.” They recommend using when or because instead of as to avoid ambiguity or possible misreading.

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NOTE: It is an infringement of copyright law to reproduce this
publication, in part or in whole, without the express permission of the
author. To request permission, please e-mail Kathy@KathyIde.com.

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AUTHOR BIO:

Kathy Ide has been writing for publication since 1988. She has written books, articles, play and movie scripts, short stories, devotionals, and curriculum. She is a full-time freelance editor, offering a full range of editorial services for aspiring writers, established authors, commercial book publishers, subsidy publishers, and magazines. Her services include proofreading, copyediting, substantive/content editing, coauthoring, ghostwriting, and mentoring/coaching. She also speaks at writers’ conferences across the country. She is the founder and coordinator of The Christian PEN: Proofreaders and Editors Network (www.TheChristianPEN.com) and the Christian Editor Network (www.ChristianEditor.com). To find out more, please visit www.KathyIde.com.

Interested in Writing for the Christian Market?

Two online courses, offered through WIES Workshops, start this Monday, July 6th. Feel free to pass along the info to any friends or family who may be interested.

Introduction to Writing Christian Novels - this is a great course to take if you are interested in breaking into the Christian market. Fiction is the fastest growing genre in Christian publishing, so the time is ripe to break into it. This 6-week course is taught by Virginia Smith, who recently signed a contract for her 11th book (since 2005.)

Head Games: Exploring Point-of-View - POV is a difficult area for many writers. This four-week course will delve into deep POV, and writing in 1st, 3rd, and omniscient POV. It will help you determine which POV style fits your writing voice best. The course is taught by Ramona Richards, an award-winning writer, freelance editor, and former acquisitions editor for Thomas Nelson.

Registrations are coming in daily, so reserve your spot now, before it's too late.

Happy 4th, y'all!!! May our words and actions continue to remind this country, and the world, that we are indeed one nation UNDER God!

Using Light To Your Advantage

The fact is that the light will not always be how you want it to be. And a photographer must know how to use the available lighting to create a pleasing image. There are three things I have found that will most affect your picture.

Sidelighting

The biggest issue with bright lighting is always the creation of shadows. One approach to the presence of strong shadows is to use them to enhance the photo. This photo was originally taken in color and later converted to black & white. However, even with the original color photograph, I used the shadows to my advantage. Because the sunlight was coming from the left-hand side of the lizard, it created shadows thus giving the image texture. My choice of black & white further increased the shadows and the texture of the image.

Brown Anole

Here is another example of sidelighting. I rotated myself around this frog, looking for the angle in which the light would fall on the frog's eyes. The shadows created underneath the eye, the neck, and the toes, give more dimension to the skin of the frog and also prevent it from appearing "flat". Always remember that the light will change as your body position changes. I have captured a lot of photos I would have otherwise lost by just shifting where I was standing.

Pot-bellied, Cuban Tree Frog

Backlighting

Backlighting is just what it sounds like - when the light comes from the back of the subject. This often gives objects a "halo" effect. In this first image, I realized the shadows could be used to hide the detail of the busy foliage and would in return highlight the falling water of the fountain. In this instance, I chose to spot meter on the water and selected a longer shutter speed. I do want to point out that because of my camera angle, I did have to fight against a strong lens flare. To prevent it from affecting the image, I shaded my lens with my hand, careful to keep my hand out of the frame.

Strings of Sunlight, Port Orleans Hotel, Orlando, Florida

Flowers are one of my favorite subjects for backlighting. You have be careful, however, to not over-darken areas of the flower you do not want to lose. I often switch to spot meter and meter on a mid-range lit area of the subject instead of the brightest area.

Azalea Glow

Frontlighting

The 3rd and most obvious type of lighting is frontlighting. Frontlighting can be ideal and is often what a photographer is searching for. However, it does have one disadvantage. It can cast your background into deep shadow. A good example of this is the effect given with the use of a front-held flash. You will notice the subject is lit, but the background is lost. However, again, the frontlighting can be used to create a pleasing effect. With this picture of a caterpillar, I was standing in fairly deep shade. To take this image, I adjusted the caterpillar into a found circle of light. The loss of the leafy background only serves to turn the viewer's eyes to the caterpillar.

Crinkled Flannel Moth

In Final

Most images will have one form of these 3 types of lighting. The first step is to learn to recognize what type of lighting is available. Now, I do not usually say to myself, "Oh, that is backlighting," but I do recognize what effect the direction of the light is having on the subject. I also pay close attention to what shadows are being created, and in the end, know how to adjust my camera to capture what will be a pleasing photograph.

Coral Vine

White Peacock Butterfly

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Suzanne Williams Photography
For More of My Words
Florida, USA

Suzanne Williams is a native Floridian, wife, and mother, with a penchant for spelling anything, who happens to love photography.

Blog Tour: Exposure by Brandilyn Collins

This week, the

Christian Fiction Blog Alliance

is introducing

Exposure

Zondervan (June 1, 2009)

by

Brandilyn Collins

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Brandilyn Collins is an award-winning and best-selling novelist known for her trademark Seatbelt Suspense®. These harrowing crime thrillers have earned her the tagline "Don't forget to b r e a t h e . . ."® Brandilyn's first book, A Question of Innocence, was a true crime published by Avon in 1995. Its promotion landed her on local and national TV and radio, including the Phil Donahue and Leeza talk shows. Brandilyn is also known for her distinctive book on fiction-writing techniques, Getting Into Character: Seven Secrets a Novelist Can Learn From Actors (John Wiley & Sons). She is now working on her 20th book.

In addition to Exposure, Brandilyn’s other latest release is Always Watching, first in The Rayne Tour series—young adult suspense co-written with her daughter, Amberly. The Rayne Tour series features Shaley O’Connor, daughter of a rock star, who just may have it all—until murder crashes her world.

ABOUT THE BOOK:

When your worst fear comes true.

Someone is watching Kaycee Raye. But who will believe her? Everyone knows she’s a little crazy. Kaycee’s popular syndicated newspaper column pokes fun at her own paranoia and multiple fears. The police in her small town are well aware she makes money writing of her experiences. Worse yet, she has no proof of the threats. Pictures of a dead man mysteriously appear in her home—then vanish before police arrive. Multisensory images flood Kaycee’s mind. Where is all this coming from?

Maybe she is going over the edge.

High action and psychological suspense collide in this story of terror, twists, and desperate faith. The startling questions surrounding Kaycee pile high. Her descent to answers may prove more than she can survive.

To read the first chapter, click HERE.

“More twists and turns than a Coney Island roller coaster! Highly recommended.” ~CBA Retailers

“Mesmerizing mystery…authentic characters…a fast-paced, twisting tale of desperate choices.” ~TitleTrakk

“Brandilyn Collins is a master of suspense, and Exposure is her best book yet!” ~Dianne Burnett, Christianbook.com

Elements of Successful Fiction Series

Using Food in Writing
Food is a part of our lives but not something that many people associate with writing. In spite of that, it can add a wonderful dimension to a story as well as advancing the plot and revealing character.

Food is Necessary for Life
A full length novel should always contain references to food and eating. Most of us eat three meals a day and snack in between. Food sustains life and can also be a pleasurable pastime and a way to build friendships.

Food Reveals Culture
Curry, stir fry, pasta, moussaka. Do these foods bring a country or culture to mind? Most nations have a number of traditional dishes and these can add to the fabric of a story.

Food and Mood
Certain types of meals are associated with certain moods. An obvious one would be a romantic cordon bleu meal by candlelight. A barbecue is a relaxed setting and fast food could be a sign of stress and hurry.

Food and the Senses
Skilful descriptions of food can waken a reader’s senses and draw them into the scene. Think along the lines of aroma, taste, texture and appearance.
· Tender medallions of pork simmered in rich brown gravy
· Glossy slabs of chocolate
· Air saturated with curry, coriander and spice
· Yellow corn cobs, slathered with butter

Food and Character
A person’s characterization can be strengthened by food. Imagine a young girl training to be a chef or a grandmother who specializes in Hungarian cooking. A man who ices wedding cakes could make for an interesting character and a what about a vegetarian child who is repulsed by meat?

Food and Health
Food is closely linked to many medical conditions. An overweight character with a fatty diet could be a prime candidate for heart trouble. Diabetics need to avoid sugar and fat and an anorexic eats as little as possible. Some people turn to food for comfort and compulsive eating can lead to morbid obesity.

Recommended Reading
John Grisham uses food to great effect in several of his books. In The Last Juror, he focuses on rich southern cooking and describes it in mouth-watering detail. In Playing for Pizza, he brings Italian cooking to life and leaves the reader longing to visit Italy and taste its culinary delights.

Next week we’ll look at the use of clothing in fiction.

Debbie Roome works as a freelance writer from her home in New Zealand. Read some of her work at Suite 101 , Take Root and Write and Faithwriters.